Lies My Father Told Me 

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I love my dad.

He gave me my sense of humor and, as my husband always tells me, complete lack of emotion and decorum. (I am guessing that this is because I hate weddings and love to fart.)

He gave me my ability to slay any standardized test, thereby requiring me to put in no real effort at school/work/life. He also subtly gave me the knowledge that if you look cute and act coy, you can do even LESS work! (Shout out to my husband for actually falling for that one.)

He gave me my love of hanging out all day without a shirt on.  And taught me why it is important to actually put more than your underpants on to go shopping. (Seriously, I am sure at least 90% of my hometown has seen that man out running errands in his undershirt.)

I can’t even begin to put a comprehensive list of all the things he has given me in my life (including, but not limited to, buying me a fake leg). However, I can think of only three flat-out lies my dad has told me through the years.

1) “You have always been beautiful.” For Christ’s sake, this man allowed me to go to school with a pencil hanging from my (Guess!) pocket. And the hair… we won’t even go there.

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2) “You will never make the cheerleading team.” My dad actually challenged me to a cheer off in order to show me that a 45 year-old man would do a better job at it.  Sadly, the lie wasn’t that he was a better cheerleader.

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3) “You will never be able to run”. This was stated after the episode (to be detailed later when I can actually find the emergency room photos) where he was forced to buy me said fake leg.

Honestly, that statement never bothered me and I used it as an excuse for the next 15+ years as I climbed the eternal staircase to nowhere at the gym. But this year something changed. I saw runners my age EVERYWHERE on social media and they all looked so incredibly happy. Happy!  (They also had incredible legs, which was my main motivation, but we can just pretend I am in it purely for the happiness factor.)

Anyhow, I started running back in September using this app on my iPhone. I could run for exactly 30 seconds before I wanted to die, which shows you exactly how in shape doing an elliptical machine for 15 years will make you. Five months later, I can run 10 miles at a time… and I don’t even want to die after!


Needless to say, attempting to become a runner has been life changing.  I am obsessed with races, running shoes and finisher’s medals. Who knew that I would trade in my obsession for gems and baubles for a bunch of plated medal on a ribbon? Totally counterintuitive.

I am hoping to run at least two half marathons and one full marathon this year. But even if I don’t complete the goals, I am still pretty thrilled with all the progress I have made… And the fact that I have proven my father wrong once again.

So what’s my general takeaway about fatherly advice now? Listen to your heart and ignore any advice that you know is or really want to be wrong.

Unless someone is advising you not to do porn.

Best not to ignore that one.


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One Response to Lies My Father Told Me

  1. Pingback: Work it, Girl | Frenemom

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