It is great to see all of the pictures floating around of families – kids going to see Santa, poses under the Christmas tree… So I thought I would push you all completely over the edge with cheesiness from my Christmases past. It all started here – Christmas 1977 – and seems to end (translation: I just got sleepy on a few glasses of rosé and stopped uploading pictures) when I was 15.
Someone needs a diet. Stat.
Cheers, bitches! Thank you Mom for teaching me this so young.
I can’t tell what’s sweeter… The Snoopy Snow Cone maker or that fine ass TV? And why are we making snow/ice on the carpet?
Gratuitous undie pic. Enjoy it (or more likely thank God) because it is the only one you are ever getting.
I still make this face when I absolutely hate your gift. Consider yourself warned.
Apparently somewhere in between showering me with excessive gifts and love, my parents had time to create twin boys. I am politely smiling only because they are incredible dressers and I am hoping that they turn out gay (spoiler: they didn’t).
Incredible dressers, Exhibit B.
And Exhibit C. Unfortunately at this point I have discovered that they are not gay and am totally over them. Too bad I am not over Laura Ashley as well.
Then someone thought it would be an even better idea to give me a sister. I am giddy as a goose in this picture because I know my mother is getting what is coming to her for this decision. I mean… The expression! The hair! I almost feel sorry for her. (I feel sorry for all of us in regards to the jammies.)
My parents got me a Cabbage Patch Kid when people were rioting at stores in 1983. There is no rioting at Neiman Marcus this year, dear husband… You have no excuses.
For the love of Christ, my parents hate me.
Hell, I hate me.
Thankfully things were looking up in this Christmas pic (though they were clearly not for my sister). I had just acquired my first bottle of Chanel nail polish (true story: you can see me wearing the “Vamp” in the picture) and apparently that made me a jumpsuit-wearing thug. PEACE!!!
P.S. I REALLY want to go back and recreate some of these gems with my sibs… Anyone game???