Some of you might recognize the image above as a screen shot from “A Trip to the Moon”. I recognize it as the face I have been staring at in the mirror for the past few weeks.
I really should just have the balls to put up a picture of my current face right now, but I have a tiny shred of dignity left in me. It. Is. Horrible. So I know I have complained to you many times about the cystic acne I developed after I gave birth to Pickle. I tried EVERYTHING to clear it up – topical meds, oral meds, facials, washes, toners, potions, voodoo… Nothing worked. So I finally broke down and started on Accutane.
If you have read anything about Accutane, you know that they make it sound completely brutal. Essentially that if you take the drug, you will make babies with three eyes, one leg and the IQ of a toaster oven. And then you will kill yourself. (I should mention that, because I have a uterus and the potential to create these mutant babies, the application process for this drug is infinitely more difficult than it was to get into grad school.)
At this point, I might welcome a mutant baby over the symptoms I have had. Here are a few gems:
- I have to put Vaseline up my nose every night or I get nosebleeds. So basically I am one spit bucket away from being a prizefighter.
- The surface of my entire face got 14 year-old boy bumpy. I was told to combat this by adding more moisturizer. Which made no sense so I decided to ignore that advice and spot treat it instead. Big mistake. I now have completely raw and bloody patches of skin. So basically I am one spit bucket away from being a prizefighter.
- I used to be able to work out pretty hard and for long periods of time without being a sweaty mess. Now when I work out even my FACE sweats. So basically I am one spit bucket away from being a prizefighter.
- My lips are so cracked that every time I open my mouth, they bleed. They are also starting to swell up. So basically I am one spit bucket away from being a prizefighter.
- The drugs make me so tired that I not only have to sleep for 10+ hours every night, BUT I pass out midday too. So basically…. who am I kidding? I am still all me with this one.
I am not really sure why I am doing this as my skin is now infinitely worse than it was before I started. I hear that it gets better after the first month?
Oh, screw it, here are some pictures of my face. We all know I have no dignity left to salvage. It is so gross and embarrassing. So here’s hoping to great “after” shots to compliment these stunners.