As I told you yesterday, Pickle and I flew out to Los Angeles over the weekend to surprise my sister for her graduation.  My sister is about as intuitive as a pet rock because my parents slipped up and pretty much gave the surprise away once a week for the past two months.  Still, no clue.  Also, I could have shoved Pickle on the plane by herself and my sister wouldn’t have noticed that I didn’t show up because she and Pickle are BFFs.  Which is totally adorbs.

Needless to say, the least thrilling part of the graduation weekend was the actual graduation itself.  So I will impart all of my vast learnings from the weekend to you in order for you to maximize your next graduation experience.

1) The chairs are going to be incredibly uncomfortable.  Eat a big breakfast and hope it goes straight to your ass.

2) Graduations are for hats.  And hats are for annoying the people sitting behind you who are trying to videotape the entire ceremony.  Go big.

3)  If you look cute, your cheeks will get pinched.  Deal with it.

4) If you are graduating, do not wear flip-flops.  I do not understand why you would wear them period, but I will not dwell as it was Southern California.  (One example of my mother almost blowing the surprise: she told my sister that she shouldn’t wear flip-flops because I would get upset.  Like if I wasn’t actually there in person that I would detect a disturbance in the universe and just KNOW that someone in my family was breaking my rule.  Actually, I totally would.)

Why don’t you wear flip-flops, you ask?  Because you look like a Lilliputian next to your classmates.  Wear four-inch heels (no, I don’t care if you can’t walk) and order your gown in the height that you really should have grown to if the universe was at all fair.

5) Arm yourselves with smartphones.  Arm your children with full-length movies and earphones.  Don’t mind when your child talks louder than the commencement speaker because she forgets that she has earphones on.

6) Get the money shot.

7)  Thank your lucky stars that your sister’s last name starts with A and get the heck out of dodge.  Playing princesses in the grass is a suitable alternative to listening to B through Z.

So is taking an impromptu dance class on said grass.

8) When your graduate exits, act as though you stayed the entire time and paid total attention (even though you know damn well that they didn’t either).  Get more pictures.

9) Go celebrate somewhere else!!!!

Do you have any graduations to attend this Spring?  What are your coping mechanisms?

What I wore: